So, here’s the thing….
I fell out of love.
Yep, it’s true, and it was not much fun. You see, I tootled off to the USA back in May (read about that trip here) and returned to New Zealand on a real high. My heart was full, my head was spinning and my world seemed to be completely without bounds.
To be honest, when I got home all I wanted to do was to travel again. I remembered just how much I love freedom and adventure. After not really having any for such a long time (I have been an independent parent for 15 years+ hence all responsibility on my shoulders) it felt like the cage door was open at long last.
Back home and suddenly I realised that I didn’t love my business any more – it felt like it was a huge weight attached to my ankle by a big heavy iron shackle. I realised that I was ebbing instead of flowing and that was a bit of a challenge.
On top of that it’s winter in New Zealand. While it’s been a pretty mild and kind winter so far, the days are short, clothes feel heavy, the sky has felt particularly grey. I am more of a summer kind of person, to be truthful. I dropped the ball – actually, I dropped several balls all at once and they seemed to bounce off in all kinds of directions leaving me standing in one place wondering which one to chase first? Unfortunately I found myself rooted to the spot and not diving off to rescue any of them… Let’s be honest – I completely lost my mojo.
This is not the first time that this has happened to me, nor will it be the last time, I suspect. Why I have decided to share my story is because someone reached out to me – another artist, someone who is incredibly talented and a beautiful soul – and told me how inspired they were by me and my enthusiasm and my ability to make opportunities happen. They said that they wished they were more like me, but that sometimes the black dog sat in the corner of their room.
I looked at my “public” face and sure enough, it was the proverbial highlights reel. I realised that I had been hiding just how hard it was to hold everything together from absolutely everyone. And that didn’t feel authentic. I have 5 steps to help me get back up and running again and I decided to share these with you in the hope that, if you find yourself in a funk like me, you might be able to help yourself too.
- So being honest with myself about how I was feeling was the first step in turning things around. A great friend and personal life coach said to me that I was very bloody judgmental of myself, and that I wouldn’t treat my friends and family the way I treated myself! Wake-up call…!
- The second step was slowing down and taking time to see the beauty in the world again (you see, one of the balls I have dropped has been my 100 Days of Beauty challenge – which I am about to restart). I actually took myself away for a whole day to a place that aches with beauty and I allowed myself the gift of time to just soak it up. I spent about 3 hours just sitting looking at the mountains over the ocean. Part of this step was to sit in gratitude – to take time each day (often many times a day) to just say thank you for the gifts that I have in my life and let go of the worries of what I don’t have.
- The third step was to play – I took time to make some new designs just because I could – a day or two in the studio just to create new stuff, not make orders endlessly – which was a hugely rejuvenating experience! I also picked up my guitar again – something that I hadn’t done since being in the USA! Music has always been a shortcut to my heart, as has poetry. It’s been a blessing to bring them both back into my life again!
- The fourth step was to move, physically move my body and to shower it with great food and sustenance. To walk barefoot each day (regardless of how cold it is) to make sure that I am grounded to what sustains me – Papatuanuku, Mother Earth.
- And the 5th step for me was re-connection. Getting back in touch with people who love me, who genuinely care about me and who I know I can count on – and actually, one of those people was ME! Yes, remembering that at the very core of me is a soul that is kind and compassionate, doesn’t judge, is patient and devoted, and who can add wisdom that no-one else can. I reconnected with that little intuitive voice and gave her a bit of much needed volume!
I am back in love with life, with my business, with my art and I am back in the flow…
Finally I feel like I have my mojo back again.
( remember, if you find yourself deep in the darkness and cannot find a way out, there is help and hope. Please reach out! If you are in New Zealand, you can text or freecall 1737 anytime of the day or night for support!)